Behind Closed Doors (Ep. 182 - Steel Magnolias)

This Week's Guest: Nick Kochanov

My guest this week is Nick Kochanov, host of the podcasts Squirrel Friends Cocktail Hour and The No Good, Very Bad Gay. Growing up, he dreamt of having his own version of the salon from Steel Magnolias. He envisioned himself hanging out with his own versions of  Dolly Parton and Sally Field and Julia Roberts. But it took years for him to realize that there was a problem with his vision -- that the man he was envisioning hanging out with them wasn't really authentically him.

Huge thanks to everyone who makes The Sewers of Paris possible with a pledge of a dollar or more a month on Patreon. There's rewards for folks who back the show -- click "Support the Show on Patreon" to check those out. Or you can support The Sewers of Paris for free by leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice -- that really helps people find the show.

BTW, I hope you'll join us for the next Sewers of Paris live chat. I want to hear about the books, movies, music, and games that you and your fellow Sewers listeners are obsessed with. The livestream is on Sunday July 29th at 2pm pacific -- there's a link on the Sewers of Paris twitter feed, and you can click a reminder button to get a notification when we go live. 

Also! If you're looking for more queer podcasts, check out the show I host with some fantastically funny drag queens Queens of Adventure. We play an ongoing and very queer Dungeons & Dragons adventure full of action and suspense and shady banter. We've got some big announcements coming soon -- head over to QueensOfAdventure.com to subscribe to the podcast, and to get on the mailing list to find out when you can see the queens performing live.

This Week's Recommendation: Brene Brown

Thanks again to Nick for joining me. We talked a bit this week about having permission to express yourself honestly and to pursue the things you want. For my recommendation this week, look up the TED talk by a researcher and storyteller named Brene Brown. I don't normally like TED talks, especially the ones that offer vague and only semi-actionably inspiration.

But this 20-minute talk is chock full of promising ideas for you to mull over and process and incorporate into your life. Brenee Brown spent years interviewing people about why they experience feelings of shame, self-worth, and connection. And then she reached a point where she herself was overcome by her findings, baffled by the patten that emerged: that people who make themselves vulnerable have a closer connection to feelings of shame and fear and struggle for worthiness, but also a closer connection to joy, creativity, and belonging. That led to what she describes as a yearlong personal street fight with vulnerability that she ultimately lost, and in the process, won her life back.

There are, like I said, a lot of ideas in this talk, from the root of shame to offering love when it may not be returned to finding inner courage. I come away with different thoughts every time I watch. And wherever you are on your own journey, it's a good point of calibration to ask yourself what you're doing, what you're avoiding, and what stands between you and what makes you happy.

Stuff we Talked About

We Just Kept Secrets (Ep. 181 - What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?)

This Week's Guest: J. Ronald M. York

I want to let you know that this week's episode addresses some upsetting topics. It wasn't until his parents died that J. Ronald M. York learned about accusations of childhood sexual abuse in his family. Letters in a box in his father's garage finally revealed the terrible secrets that his family had kept from him his entire adult life. And in turn, that started his process for dealing with the secrets of his own abuse that he'd been carrying for years.

These are hard things to talk about -- but they're important to acknowledge and address. If you need to talk to someone about sexual assault, contact the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE, or connect with the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network at RAINN.org.

This Week's Recommendation: Cameron Esposito's "Rape Jokes"

Thanks again to Ronald for joining me and for speaking so openly about something so difficult. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to talk about experiences like his, to say nothing of the pain of carrying those experiences as a secret. But I hope that hearing about what he's been through is helpful for other people carrying similar burdens. 

And for another take on surviving sexual assault, take a look at Cameron Esposito's new stand-up comedy special, entitled simply "Rape Jokes." It's a title that doesn't mince words about what to expect: a challenging and also, importantly, hilarious exploration about sexual assault.

Cameron is herself a survivor, and her perspective is absolutely vital. It's an experience like nothing I've ever seen, swerving simultaneously through jokes and pain and laughter and anger and compassion. The entire special is available to watch online at cameronesposito.com, and there's a "Donate" button in the upper left to benefit the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. Go, watch, give.

For something with so blunt a title, "Rape Jokes" is an amazing feat of comic finesse, or generosity, and compassion.

Stuff we Talked About

I Finally Felt Like I Made It (Ep. 180 - Andrew Lloyd Weber)

This Week's Guest: Jonathan D. Lovitz

What role does confidence play in reaching your goals -- is confidence as important as skill, or more, or less? My guest this week is Jonathan Lovitz, senior vice president at the National LGBT Chamber of Commerce. Before he stepped into that role, Jonathan enjoyed a successful acting career on stage an screen. But then he found his enthusiasm turning to LGBTQ advocacy, and now speaks out to improve economic opportunity for queer people. An funnily enough, in both roles, a lot of success comes down to the confidence people allow themselves to have in themselves.

Huge thanks to everyone who makes The Sewers of Paris possible with a pledge of a dollar or more a month on Patreon. There's rewards for folks who back the show -- just click "Support the Show on Patreon." Or you can support The Sewers of Paris for free by leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice.

BTW, I hope you'll join us for the next Sewers of Paris live chat. I want to hear about the books, movies, music, and games that you and your fellow Sewers listeners are obsessed with. The livestream is on Saturday, July 21st at 2pm pacific.

Also! If you're looking for more queer podcasts, check out the show I host with some fantastically funny drag queens Queens of Adventure. We play an ongoing and very queer Dungeons & Dragons adventure full of action and suspense and shady banter. Season 1 just launched -- head over to QueensOfAdventure.com to subscribe.

This Week's Recommendation: Assassins

He mentioned wanting to play the role of the Balladeer in the show Assassins, so for my recommendation this week, you might want to check out a performance from the revival at the 2004 Tony Awards, available with an easy YouTube search.

I say "might" because it is an upsetting song in an upsetting show. Standing on stage, we see presidential assassins from throughout history, holding tight to their guns and singing about how they're all entitled to dreams. They're alarming, sinister, urgent dreams. All that death and disillusionment exacts a heavy toll on an audience.

There's also a lot of relevance to extract from the show, much of it in the eye of the beholder. To me, the show is about the dark side of ambition, a cautionary tale about confidence. Yes, of course, by all means believe in yourself. The funny thing about beliefs, of course, is that they are often wrong.

But that wrongness is a double-edged sword. As crushing as it can be that  confidence can be misplaced, so too can self-deprecation. If one were to search inside Assassins for any sign of optimism -- and it would be a lengthy, difficult search yielding just scraps of evidence -- the silver lining might be that our own inner assassins, the ones who steadfastly believe in our own failure, might be the one who's misguided.

Stuff We Talked About

Gunshots in the Night (Ep. 179 - Kingdom Hearts)

Bonus Episode Guest: KaiKai Bee Michaels

How do kids learn to be people when the adults in their lives aren't teaching them? Kai's parents weren't always there to give her the guidance she needed, and so she was forced to fend for herself. That meant learning basic life skills on her own, but also how to function around other people -- and how to take care of herself during a period of homelessness, moving across the country, and starting fresh with a day job in education and a nighttime gig in drag shows.

By the way, Kai is one of the San Francisco performers in our upcoming lives show, Queens of Adventure, where drag performers play a game of Dungeons & Dragons for a live audience! Kai plays a high elf Wizard with a magic owl. You can see her onstage along with Erika Klash, Pollo Del Mar, Kitty Powers, and Rock M. Sakura in two brand new adventures on July 13 and 14 at Oasis in San Francisco. Tickets are available now at QueensOfAdventure.com.

This Week's Recommendation: Justin Saint Cosplay

Thanks again to Kai for joining me -- look for KaiKai Bee Michaels on Twitter and Instagram to follow her cosplay and performances. And if you're in San Francisco, you can see her in Queens of Adventure, our live show featuring drag queens playing a D&D adventure, on July 13 and 14! Tickets are now on sale at QueensOfAdvenuture.com. 

We talked a bit about cosplay on this episode -- that's the craft of making costumes based on your favorite game or comic or cartoon characters. And for my recommendation this week, I suggest you go follow one of my favorite cosplayers in the world: the delightful Justin Saint (who you can also hear on Sewers of Paris episode 161.)

Justin's cosplay is nothing short of stunning. You might've seen a Maleficent look that's particularly beautiful, but there's also a Stevonnie from Steven Universe that is sheer perfection. Linda Belcher, Ariel, Korra, Padme, the looks are all exquisite, and you can find them by searching Instagram for gaymerqueen, that's gaymer with a Y.

Part of the loveliness of cosplay is when you share someone's enthusiasm for a character or a show. But I think I actually like it more when I DON'T recognize whoever they're cosplaying as. It's a signal that, hey, there's something out there that's so good people are willing to transform themselves to embody it. It's the strongest possible recommendation to check out something new and exciting. And it means that the next time you see that cosplayer, there's a chance you'll be able to geek out together over the new favorite they helped you find.
 

Stuff We Talked About

When I Started Saying the Word Butt (Ep. 178 - Q. Allan Brocka)

This Week's Guest: Q. Allan Brocka

This week's guest has had a hand in shaping a lot of queer culture we enjoy today. Q. Allan Brocka created one of the shows that aired on Logo as the network was getting off the ground; he directed the Eating Out series of films that have been a mainstay at LGBT film festivals for over a decade; and he's currently working on some intriguingly upcoming film and TV projects. Before he was a successful filmmaker, he was a shy kid from Guam, quietly absorbing what seemed then like forbidden culture.

We'll have that conversation in a minute -- but first, San Francisco, we're bringing our show Queens of Adventure back to Oasis! Come see drag queens playing a real Dungeons & Dragons adventure live on stage, July 13 and 14. That's right, two nights -- two completely unique adventures, starring Dragula's Erika Klash, as well as Kitty Powers, Pollo Del Mar, KaiKai Bee Michaels, and Rock M. Sakura. Tickets are now on sale at QueensOfAdventure.com.

And if you can't make it to the live shows, don't worry -- you can check out the podcast Queens of Adventure, featuring four MORE drag queens on an ongoing quest! Season 1 is now underway. Listen and subscribe at QueensOfAdventure.com.

A huge thanks to everyone who makes The Sewers of Paris possible with a pledge of a dollar or more a month on Patreon. There's rewards for folks who back the show -- just click "Support the Show on Patreon." Or you can support The Sewers of Paris for free by leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice.

This Week's Recommendation: RuPaul on Public Access

Thanks again to Allan for joining me. We talked a bit about his public access show, but it occurred to be that kids today might not even know what that is. You see, back in the olden days before YouTube, cable TV companies were required to fund television production studios all across the country that anyone could just go to and use. And then whatever they made would be broadcast locally for folks in town to watch.

The results were, most of the time, completely unwatchable. But out of public access stations came some fascinating artifacts. And among them are brief glimpses of RuPaul's early career. My recommendation this week is just to search online for "RuPaul public access." You'll find videos of a 20-something Ru in the 1980s learning to be the entertainment mogul she is today.

It's all very messy and unpolished -- this is before she met the stylists who would craft the looks that we know her for today. She's wearing makeup that would be read to filth on her contemporary runway; she's stumbling and babbling over talking points; her sets are cardboard messes with cables piled in a corner. The crew around her seems to be learning how to use the equipment as they shoot.

But despite the mess, she is totally captivating. You don't have to look very hard to see the polished personality that would emerge in the 90s to take over the world. Ru didn't emerge onto the scene as a fully-formed product, but instead spent years honing her craft and her talent. 

Public access stations still exist today, but technological changes have left them in the dust. Now it's easy for anyone to pull out a phone, shoot some nonsense, and stick it in front of millions. It's great that there's no need to fumble with equipment and schedules at a run-down building on the outskirts of town. Now you can bypass all the hassle of dealing with public access stations. But you can also bypass all those years of polish.

Stuff We Talked About

Our Own Lothlorien (Ep. 177 - Dungeons & Dragons)

This Week's Guest: Jeremy Crawford

Imaging growing up to find that the fantasy worlds you envisioned as a kid aren't just real, but have been waiting for you to lead them. My guest this week is Jeremy Crawford, lead rules designer for Dungeons & Dragons. We'll be talking about the witches, wizards, and elves who shaped his work in games, his relationship with his husband, and the queer content he now gets to insert in the world's most iconic tabletop game.

And BTW, I hope you'll join us for the next Sewers of Paris live chat. I want to hear about the books, movies, music, and games that you and your fellow Sewers listeners are obsessed with. The livestream is on Saturday, June 30th at 2pm pacific -- there's a link at the top of the Sewers of Paris twitter feed, where you can set a reminder to get a notification when we go live. 

Huge thanks to everyone who makes The Sewers of Paris possible with a pledge of a dollar or more a month on Patreon. There's rewards for folks who back the show -- just click "Support the Show on Patreon." Or you can support The Sewers of Paris for free by leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice -- that really helps people find the show. Thanks to Cappafeo who wrote on iTunes, "I came to the show through Queens of Adventure and I'm so glad I did."

Well, speaking of which! If you're looking for more queer podcasts, check out the show I host with some fantastically funny drag queens Queens of Adventure. We play an ongoing and very queer Dungeons & Dragons adventure full of action and suspense and shady banter. Season 1 just launched -- head over to QueensOfAdventure.com to subscribe.

And the Queens of Adventure live is coming to San Francisco for two shows on July 13 and 14. Come see drag queens playing D&D live on stage! Tickets are now on sale at QueensOfAdventure.com.

This Week's Recommendation: Affairs of the Heart

For this week's recommendation, take a look at the classical writing that Jeremy mentioned, lamenting the loss of queer culture in ancient Greece. The title is translated sometimes as "Affairs of the Heart," other times as "Amores," and also as "Erōtes," an it's a dialogue between characters debating the merits of same-sex affection versus opposite-sex.

Translations are easy enough to find online, though they're not exactly fast reads. There is a LOT to unpack, and my favorite parts are those that really seem to revel in sexuality -- such as this rather steamy description of men in their twenties: "The limbs, being large and manly, are hard, the chins that once were soft are rough and covered with bristles, and the well-developed thighs are as it were sullied with hairs. And as for the parts less visible than these, I leave knowledge of them to you who have tried them!"

There are also passages that will excite fans of homosupremacy: "For marriage is a remedy invented to ensure man's necessary perpetuity, but only love for males is a noble duty enjoined by a philosophic spirit. Anything cultivated for aesthetic reasons in the midst of abundance is accompanied with greater honour than things which require for their existence immediate need, and beauty is in every way superior to necessity."

That's followed, unfortunately, by some intense misogyny -- as it turns out, gay culture hasn't changed that much in 2000 years. As much as there is to enjoy in the text, there's a lot to critique, including the youthfulness suggested by repeated use of the term "boy." Still, it's a fascinating peek into attitudes toward sexuality in the 4th century, and it's not hard to imagine the same spirited conversation happening over brunch today.

Space Ballerinas (Ep. 175 - Sailor Moon)

This Week's Guest: Ryan La Sala

My guest this week is Ryan La Sala. He's got a very queer fantasy novel coming out next year, and while he's always been imaginative, he didn't always exactly use his powers for good. 

BTW, I hope you'll join us for the next Sewers of Paris live chat. It's on June 30th -- there's a link to the next livestream at the top of the Sewers of Paris twitter feed, and you can set a reminder to get a notification when we go live. 

Huge thanks to everyone who makes The Sewers of Paris possible with a pledge of a dollar or more a month on Patreon. There's rewards for folks who back the show -- just click "Support the Show on Patreon." Or you can support The Sewers of Paris for free by leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice -- that really helps people find the show. Thanks to AdamSmith520 who wrote on iTunes, "I’ve learnt so much from this podcast! If you’re interested in gay stories and culture, check it out."

If you're looking for more queer podcasts, check out the show I host with some fantastically funny drag queens Queens of Adventure. We play an ongoing and very queer Dungeons & Dragons adventure full of action and suspense and shady banter. Season 1 just launched -- head over to QueensOfAdventure.com to subscribe.

And the Queens of Adventure live is coming to San Francisco for two shows on July 13 and 14. Come see drag queens playing D&D live on stage! Tickets are now on sale at QueensOfAdventure.com.

This Week's Recommendation: Magical Boys

For more about magical girls, magical boys, and magical enbys, check out a podcast co-hosted by a past Sewers of Paris guest, DJ Kirkland. The show is called Magical Boys, and on it DJ and his friends talk about games, movies, comics, art, culture -- basically anything geeky and gay. 

Magical Boys is the funny frank conversation you want to be having all the time with your best friends -- and because the boys all know each other so well, they can be delightfully honest about the insecurities, vanities, and guilty pleasures that we're so often hesitant to confess. 

Recent topics include Overwatch, soft talking, hot boys at the gym, and how come on, it's 2018 everyone, just be horny on your main Twitter account instead of creating a whole separate secret one for sex talk. Magical Boys produces my favorite podcast effect: the feeling that you're getting together with friends to relax, let down your guard, and somehow even though it's an audio recording, feel like you're really being seen.

Stuff We Talked About

Dream Bigger (Ep. 174 - The Amazing Race)

This Week's Guest: Scott Flanary

Do you always NEED to dream big, or is it sometimes ok to just be happy with what you've got? My guest this week has some experience when it comes to achieving big dreams -- Scott Flanary was the winner of Season 29 of The Amazing Race, which had been a goal for pretty much all of his adult life. So now that he's accomplished goals that once seemed impossibly difficult, he's grappling with a tough question: now what?

Thanks to everyone who joined us for the Sewers of Paris live chat last weekend. Our next one is June 30th -- there's a link to the next livestream at the top of the Sewers of Paris twitter feed, when you can set a reminder to get a notification when we go live. 

Huge thanks to everyone who makes The Sewers of Paris possible with a pledge of a dollar or more a month on Patreon. If you're enjoying the show, click "Support the Show on Patreon." Or you can support The Sewers of Paris for free by leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice -- that really helps people find the show. Thanks to Alestrial who wrote on iTunes, "Yes please, A rare podcast that helps you discover something about yourself while learning about others." Aww that's really sweet. 

Also, if you're looking for more queer podcasts, check out the show I host with some fantastically funny drag queens Queens of Adventure. We play an ongoing and very queer Dungeons & Dragons adventure full of action and suspense and shady banter. Season 1 just launched -- head over to QueensOfAdventure.com to subscribe.

If you're in Seattle, we've got a live Dungeons & Drag Queens show coming up on June 21! And the Queens of Adventure live is coming to San Francisco for two shows on July 13 and 14. Tickets are now on sale at QueensOfAdventure.com.

This Week's Recommendation: Me Talk Pretty One Day

Thanks again to Scott for joining me. For more queer musings on travel, fresh starts, and finding yourself while you were looking for something else, check out David Sedaris' book "Me Talk Pretty One Day." Sedaris is, of course, required reading, his essays all beautifully crafted meals of humor, anxiety, and thoughtful resignation to the absurd. But this book marked a shift in his writing: it chronicles his time in America and then his re-settlement in France -- where, unable to speak the language, he is robbed of his primary means of navigation. The experience he relates is a bit like being hazed by an entire country, one word at a time, and yet still he soldiers on, a sort of gay Eeyore grasping his way through an alien landscape.  What emerges is a travelogue not as much about being in a new country as it is about living in a new language, a broadening of horizons that is far more expansive within the writer than without.
 

Stuff We Talked About

Madonna Nirvana (Ep. 173 - Madonna)

This Week's Guest: D'Arcee Charington Neal

Join us on tonight's episode when my guest D'Arcee recalls what may have been the worst thing anyone's ever been told by their boss.

We'll have that conversation in a minute -- but first, if you're looking for more podcasts to listen to, check out the show I just launched along with some fantastically funny drag queens. The show's called Queens of Adventure, and it's based on our live shows where drag queens play a real Dungeons & Dragons adventure. Queens of Adventure brings together larger-than-life drag shows and epic fantasy adventures, with the queens rolling the dice every other week to combat killer wigs, tame burly bears, investigate shady seamen, and misty step their way into your heart. Season One just launched -- head over to QueensOfAdventure.com to subscribe.

And if you're in Seattle, mark your calendars for June 21! We're doing our next live Dungeons & Drag Queens show at Kremwerk just in time for Pride. Tickets are now on sale at QueensOfAdventure.com.

Huge thanks to everyone who makes The Sewers of Paris possible with a pledge of a dollar or more a month on Patreon. If you're enjoying the show, click "Support the Show on Patreon." Or you can support The Sewers of Paris for free by leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice -- that really helps people find the show.

And I hope you'll join us for the next Sewers of Paris live chat -- on Saturday, June 9, at 2pm Pacific. There's a link pinned to the top of the SewersOfParis twitter feed -- see you there!

This Week's Recommendation: Human Nature

Thanks again to D'Arcee for joining me. For this week's recommendation, check out the music video for Madonna's Human Nature. Surrounded by dancers in light bondage gear, her body is pried open as she chants that you should express yourself, don't repress yourself. The entire song is a non-apology for feelings and words that don't require an apology. The focus is unmistakably sexual -- no surprise, given the artist -- but there's also a winking playful shrug as the visuals shift from aggressive writhing to goofy images like a Chihuahua in leather chaps.

The conflict in the video is totally spellbinding. On one hand are the demands of the dance, which has emotional figures bound, thrown, flogged, and and tangled in rope, seemingly out of control of their own bodies, along with angry lyrics like "I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me." But on the other hand there's shots of laughter, and comfortable confident ease in bondage scenes.

Throughout, the lyrics repeat "I'm not sorry. It's human nature." Sex, as it's shown in the video, is relentless and uncontrollable and violent -- but also funny, if you let it. Libido grabs hold of us all with forces beyond our control, and by the end of the video we see Madonna happily going along for the ride. 

The video concludes with her staring into the camera. "You're the one with the problem," she says. "Absolutely no regrets."

Stuff We Talked About

The Devil in my Head (Ep. 172 - The Bodyguard)

This Week's Guest: Byron Lane

A well-told joke doesn't just have the effect of making an audience laugh -- it can also provide armor for the person telling it. My guest this week is actor and comedian Byron Lane, whose projects include the webseries Last Will and Testicle, and the stage show Tilda Swinton Answers an Ad on Craigslist. Through his work, he went from the kid who always wanted someone to protect him to a man who could protect himself through laughter.

Byron's show is coming to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, but first they're doing a couple of bon voyage/fundraiser shows in LA. Tickets are available: Fri 6/29 8pm & Sat 6/30 8pm at Casita del Campo.

We'll have that conversation in a minute -- but first, I want to let you know that I've just launched a new podcast along with some fantastically funny drag queens. It's called Queens of Adventure, and it's based on our live shows where drag queens play a real Dungeons & Dragons adventure. Queens of Adventure brings together larger-than-life drag shows and epic fantasy adventures, with the queens rolling the dice every other week to combat killer wigs, tame burly bears, investigate shady seamen, and misty step their way into your heart. Season One just launched -- head over to QueensOfAdventure.com to subscribe.

And if you're in Seattle, mark your calendars for June 21! We're doing our next live Dungeons & Drag Queens show at Kremwerk just in time for Pride. Tickets are now on sale at QueensOfAdventure.com.

Huge thanks to everyone who makes The Sewers of Paris possible with a pledge of a dollar or more a month on Patreon. If you're enjoying the show, click "Support the Show on Patreon." Or you can support The Sewers of Paris for free by leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice -- that really helps people find the show.
 

This Week's Recommendation: Last Will and Testicle

Thanks again to Byron for joining me. Head over to LastWillAndTesticle.com to check out his webseries, an autobiographical comedy about all the different stages of coping with a life-changing diagnosis. In bite-sized morsels, each little episode highlights the emotional impact that the news has on family and friends, and also the goofy ways that a cancer scare changes a person's life.

Over the course of two seasons, we see Bryon deal with denial, anger, bargaining, and the rest. He engages in dialogue with his balls. He processes his feelings with the help of a therapist, religious parents, and a boyfriend who is mostly just grossed out by the whole thing. And throughout it all, he seems mostly befuddled, since now matter how prepared you might be for a health crisis, it will always be larger than one person can handle on their own.

Look for cameos from Jonathan Van Ness, Drew Droege, Sam Pancake, and other usual-suspects. Although these familiar faces often pop up on various gay webserieses, in this context it's particularly comforting to recognize them. Health problems are scary, so it's nice to have family by your side -- whether it's biological family or a chosen gay family of the LA gay comedy scene.

Thanks again for listening.